The Parenting Oasis

May 25, 2009

Celebrating Birth
This week I went to a meeting about postpartum mood disorders- a women’s mental health “think tank.”  It was wonderful to hear what people are up to around the Twin Cities.  Dr. Helen Kim spoke of the limitations of using medications alone to treat postpartum issues.  As wonderful and brilliant as she is, it was great to hear that she admits that the powerful transition to motherhood needs a great deal of community support if we are going to really make a difference.
Then last night I hosted a blessingway for a pregnant friend and I was aware of how powerful a ritual it really is.  A blessingway is a ceremony done in the last weeks of pregnancy which brings a woman’s community together to celebrate and prepare her for her birth.  We shared a meal, decorated my friend in flowers and henna, made her a birth necklace and sang to her as we “tied” ourselves together to express our commitment to her and her coming babe.
Every woman needs this.  Every women needs her birth celebrate.  Every woman needs to be honored and prepared spiritually for birth.
Next week, I am visiting Harrison Community Center to discuss the possibility of hosting Parenting Oasis at their site starting in the fall.  If you are interested in being a part of trying something new, reaching out to a new community, then please join us Monday June 1st from 10-12. 503 Irving Avenue North.   www.hnampls.org 
We will be open Tuesdays all summer.  We have a new momma group from 12-1 Tuesdays which is a great way to meet other new mommas but come whenever you can. I know some days it is hard to get out of the house at all, let alone on time.
And consider my Amazing Marriage class on June 2nd and the Healing Birth Stories Workshop on June 20th.
Maureen
mailto:parentingoasis@gmail.com

Parenting Oasis Summer Plans April 19, 2009

 Ok- its official.  We have a new schedule for the warm weather.  Last year was our first Parenting Oasis summer and although we had some wonderful days, we also had too many quiet, lonely ones.  We lost money and wasted precious energy.  So this year we have decided to focus on more behind the scenes work- fundraising, networking, grant writing. 
So here is what the summer will look like.  We will be open this Saturday and one Saturday in May for the API meeting.  Then no Saturdays until fall.  We will be open both Tuesdays and Wednesdays until Memorial Day and then drop to only Tuesdays until fall.  Tuesdays we will continue to focus on the Becoming Momma group but can offer any other things that people are interested in doing.
This week, Wednesday we will host another volunteer meeting from 11-12.  Then we have a couple of great things going on.  First we have a Balancing Work and Motherhood meeting at 11, then at 12 an introduction to cloth diapering followed by a diaper/baby stuff swap and sale.  Come hang out.
Check out the class Sacha is offering on Tuesday April 28th- Reading to Your Child for Literacy.
Maureen

Parenting in Partnership April 13, 2009

Next Sunday, I am offering my class- Parenting Together: Right from the Start at Blooma. Somehow, in the midst of all the things you have to figure out in those first months of parenting something important happens that many of us don’t notice.  Somewhere in those early months, parents become partners and that partnership sets the tone for your marriage, your home environment. Doing this intentionally is difficult with all the other changes going on around you.

I can’t tell you how to parent.  I believe strongly that parenting is a highly intimate personal relationship and most “experts” seem to offer some kind of one size fits all model of parenting. Parenting is a dance between you and your child and then there is the other dance between your child and their other parent. It seems the hardest part of parenting is when my dance and my husband’s end up tripping us all up.  When we are both home, we don’t quite know who’s leading.

Respecting your partner’s relationship with their child means trusting that we share core values and are heading mostly in the same direction. It means putting relationship ahead of rules.

Want to hear some more?  Call Blooma, get a babysitter and lets talk.

Maureen

Its Spring, Bring out the Babies March 29, 2009

I have become a much better parent this week. I had a rough winter but the sun is out and hope is in the air. My boys have been outside, covered in healthy mud.  I’m having thoughts of the garden and the beach already.

We have a lot going on this week.  If you haven’t been in or if you know a new momma who might be looking for community, this is a great time to come in. Reach out and invite someone new to join us.

Tuesday morning some wise, experienced baby wearing mommas will be sharing their stash with the newer mommas.  If you have questions or want some new ideas, Tuesday 11-12. Baby wearing is best learned by actually trying them on and having a few extra hands really helps. Immediately following the sling share, we will have our regular new mommas group from 12-1.

Wednesday March 25th from 11-12, we will be checking in how Parenting Oasis is doing and what the volunteer committee is planning next. If you want to help us plan for the summer or are able to volunteer, come on in.

Saturday  March 28th, we will be hosting our second Balancing Work and Mothering meeting. Come talk about the joys and stress of pumping, daycare, and just the constant juggle.  Lori Karis, of Sweet Cheeks babyfood will be there after the meeting to share her good stuff and answer questions.

We have some big decisions to make about Parenting Oasis for the summer so if you have any feedback, email me and let me know what you’re looking for this summer.

Maureen
mailto:parentingoasis@gmail.

The Discipline Dilemma March 15, 2009

I grew up with white bread at every meal. Meat and potatoes kind of family. Nothing unusual but not what most of us would call “natural” today. There was a family down the street that had wheat bread and their house smelled like a vitamin store. When we played over there, we usually went home for lunch. My parents were feeding us like everyone else was feeding their kids. Since then some basic ideas about food have changed. We went from whole milk to 2% to skim, first the softest wheat than the rich, grainy dark bread.

Parenting is a lot like that. We have figured out some things are just better for kids than doing it the way we were raised. Even if you feel pretty good about how your parents raised you, this isn’t the same world.

I try to raise my kids to be creative problem solvers who are assertive but empathetic. I wan them to feel safe and supported and know that I love them unconditionally. And then sometimes I just want some blind obedience. My friend Rebecca loves that scene in The Sound of Music when the Baron blows his whistle and the kids fall into line. But we both agree that this would certainly require that our kids fear us, and clearly they don’t.

My mom feels my kids are spoiled. Luckily their teachers don’t see this. Maybe they do get away with too much from me. I know that those people on TV with 8, 12, or 16 kids have higher expectations than I do but I think that was part of my plan when we stopped after 2. Ever day I struggle with just where to put the bar. High expectations are good for kids but unreasonable expectations make for stressed out parents and kids who give up.

This Saturday, the API support group is meeting to talk about Positive Discipline. Come on in. This one is certainly one of my favorites and it is never too early to start thinking about your parenting philosophy. Take a look at the schedule. I put everything we have for the next few weeks so you can plan accordingly. See you soon.

Maureen

Why Birth Matters

Tomorrow, I am marching in the Minnesota Better Birth Coalition Day on the hill with many other moms, dads, kids and professionals that believe that their are research best best birth practices that should be supported by our legislature. (More info minnesotabirth.com) I will be there as a mom with a birth trauma history, a mom with a VBAC success history, as a psychologist who believes that birth trauma increases a woman’s risk for postpartum depression and I will be there representing Parenting Oasis and attachment parenting because birth matters to our kids.

I also offered my Healing Birth Stories workshop this weekend which reminded me how powerful and beautiful birth stories are even when they are raw and painful. Birth transforms a woman. And birth in and of itself is a hell of a lot to deal with but then they hand this vulnerable, dependent infant to you and before you have a chance to catch your breath and decide how you feel about birth, you go into parenting. When are you supposed to recover? How do you heal?

Mothers need enormous confidence to manage what we ask of them. What other calling asks so much of you on the first day? Birth matters. If you can’t come out to march in support with us tomorrow, check in with Susan Lane over at Better Birth and see what she needs. Who do we talk to, what is next? Those people in Saint Paul, and those people in Washington need someone whispering in their ears that birth matters to us.

Maureen

My Version of March Madness March 2, 2009

Monday my baby turns 5 and Wednesday Joey is 7.  I am a big kid mom.  It is the end of a very long stage in my life. After Nate started school,  I always anticipated having another.  And although it took me 16 years, it was always the plan.  Now I am saying goodbye to my own fertility I suppose. They are thrilled to be growing big, it is just a little bittersweet for momma to lose her babies. And two birthdays in a week means two crazy kids and one crazy momma.

When I decided to open Parenting Oasis, it had to be a business that I could start with little financial risk and I had to be able to work it around my own children’s needs.  Parenting Oasis occurred as an idea 4 years ago, after Zach was born, but I knew that even as my children grew, my commitment to parents of little ones was permanent.

I believe in the moment that we become family. I think becoming a parent is one of the most challenging transitions we face in life.  Don’t worry, after 20 years or so you really get the hang of parenting.

This week-check out the new Style Statement workshop and please, if you are planning on or interested in our Healing Birth Stories workshop, drop us a note.

Maureen

Supporting Moms Returning to the Workplace February 23, 2009

I am constantly amazed by the brilliant women I am surrounded by at
PO.  I see the commitment to being a mother and I see the hunger for
something more.  Most women have a career prior to having children and
whether you take a six week leave or a six year leave, at some point
most women will want to be back in the workplace.  But it is an
enormous challenge to balance work and family, especially while
remaining committed to strong emotional connections with our partner
and our children.

Saturday February 28th, from 11-12 Parenting Oasis will host the first
monthly Balancing Work and Mothering meeting. Please come- lets talk
about our needs and the needs of our community.  Whether currently
working or planning to return to work in the future, come join the
conversation.

Don’t forget this week’s volunteer meeting and please, if you know
someone who could benefit from the Healing Birth Stories Workshop,
pass on the information.  The first time we offered it, it was a
wonderful healing experience for everyone.

Maureen

Good Enough Parenting Oasis? February 15, 2009

You might have heard me on the FM 107.1 show Good Enough Moms talking about Parenting Oasis today.  It was really fun to share our vision and seemed like a good fit for their message.

It is hard to be the kind of mom you want to be, every day, in every way.  And lately it has been hard to be the kind of Parenting Oasis we want to be, every day, in every way.

There will be a day in the near future when we have paid staff and a full team of volunteers.  Then we will be able to vacuum everyday, keep the big kids entertained and managed well, and ensure that everyone feels welcomed and cared for.  But right now, not all those things happen every day. 

Hang in there with us.  Come volunteer.  Come bring us muffins.  And be patient with us.  As we work to create a sense of community and meet everyone’s needs, we are each also managing to be good parents and manage our own homes as well.

Thanks so much for all the volunteers who have kept me out of the kitchen these past weeks.  With my free time, I have been working on marketing, fund-raising, and writing projects.  I have also started working on upgrading our website- watch for it soon. (Maybe not so soon.) You will all be relieved to know that my sorry house plants are looking better.

Drop me a line if you aren’t on the volunteer list and want to be.

 Maureen

Creating Community- What’s Next?

 I meet so many mommas each week who are struggling with postpartum depression or anxiety.  I hear so many stories of recovery, of women who didn’t really begin to feel confident as mothers until their children where long past the baby years. 

I was so lonely when Joey was born.  I knew all about being a mom, that wasn’t new for me but I had no community of mothers.  Finding a group of women who support me, who care about me and share in my desire to parent with connection and peace, has made life so much richer.  And I know that this group helped me successfully VBAC, nurse longer, discipline more playfully and more lovingly. And I have learned so much about birth and becoming mother and healing from this community.

So- we need to reach out. If we are going to make a difference in our larger community, our little community is going to have to find more pregnant women, more women just beginning to move towards parenting. I would love to see Parenting Oasis really develop a strong voice for new parents in our area.

We met Saturday to discuss ways Parenting Oasis can better serve parents working outside of the home and we have decided to begin to offer a Returning to Work group monthly on Saturdays.  I will start putting together some new fliers and postcards.  Look for them at Parenting Oasis in the next week weeks. If each of us would reach out to the new parents in our lives and our neighborhoods, we will begin to make a greater impact.

Thanks to everyone for the gift this community is to my family and to the families I work with.

And come in next Saturday and make a Valentine for someone you love!

Maureen