The Myth of Family Balance October 26, 2008
I hate to call it a myth when I believe in it so strongly. So many of my biggest decisions are aimed at family balance. My part-time career, opening Parenting Oasis, bedtimes, whether or not to go to Mom’s Night Out. All of these are met with some insane cost/benefit analysis. And the calculation includes my needs, Paul’s needs, each child, and such enormous issues as our always suffering finances. I want my children to have the best but I am also committed to other people’s children; those of the world and those of my community. No wonder I can’t win.
Today is a silly example of how impossible my calculations are. I have been feeling like a football widow. Between the Gophers and the Vikings and too many leaf dropping oak trees in my yard, I miss my husband. Deeply. Before each weekend I calculate our needs for a babysitter into the number of hours I have been away from the boys this week. This week I felt that I was justified in having a day away with my husband. They boys have had lots of us and actually are missing the rest of their family.
We talk longingly about dates that used to be days long. When the boys were babies we got one item dates- we could do dinner or a movie but not both. Now we occasionally get three item dates where we can do dinner, a movie and then go out for coffee and a conversation afterwards. This was looking like one of those kind of dates. Babysitters were in place, plans were laid.
I chose to stay home from MNO fearing I was pushing my luck, just going to be too tired. I worked until nearly midnight on a marriage article I am writing. Moments after laying my head next to my snoring husband’s I heard his whimper. Joey was sick. Joey is never sick. Joey, even with lots of garlic oil and Tylenol cried for nearly 4 hours. Even as I switched gears into momma the night nurse I could feel my personal panic set in. I was so tired and nothing was working and I hate being momma the night nurse. I hate sick people! Sorry, depressed, sad, anxious I can do but sick is not my thing.
Long, long story short- lack of sleep followed by Minute Clinic telling me that he not only had an ear infection but a blister in his ear which meant they couldn’t treat him. Refer to Urgent Care. (One hour) Grabbed lunch and headed to first Urgent Care (closed until noon) and to second Urgent Care (Another hour.) One hour in the waiting room playing tic-tack-toe, racing cars, and eating junk from the machine to be questioned, weighed, temp, pulse, listen to chest, peek in the good ear, peek in the bad ear and once again diagnosed with a raging ear infection. Finally the golden prize- a prescription for antibiotics. (As much as I hate the things this is what they were invented for.) On to Target where we waited (30 minutes) for the prescription to be filled.
Not really a bad day. He felt fine through most of it, I looked and felt like hell. We got our date, late and two items not three. But so much for my plan. I go into the new week still deeply missing my husband and tired. Thankful we have healthy kids and each other and another weekend someday. But the endless dance of family balance goes on.
Maureen
Don’t forget the big Halloween Party next Saturday!