The Parenting Oasis

Managing the Christmas Crazies (theirs and ours) November 30, 2008

It just hit me that when they wake tomorrow it will be December and I was supposed to have their advent calendars full of candy. We have these 2 cute little trees with drawers for the 24 days before Christmas.  Somehow I cannot deal with December yet. Do you think I can get an extension? 
The morning after Thanksgiving Zach asked if it was Christmas.  “You said it was after Thanksgiving.  It is today?  Tomorrow?” I think we blew that one.  Major disappointment. 
So here are a few of the things I have figured out about managing the season.
Focus on the season rather than the BIG DAY.  Talk about all the steps, the preparation and the traditions. 
 
Use a visual clue.  Advent calendars, those paper chains or just the calendar can help kids see all that is coming up. It is important to teach kids how to manage excitement and anticipation.  Anticipation is a very positive feeling that can become anxiety or frustration. 
 
  Work on having your kids participate in gifts- planning, shopping, wrapping or even making gifts.  The process of making gifts teaches kids a lot about the meaning of gifts and teaches them to appreciate the effort that goes into gift giving.
 
Say no.  Don’t feel you need to go to every gathering. Use the kids as a great excuse to be late or leave early.  Try to balance big days with quiet ones.
 
Stick to routines, meals, naps, and bedtimes are never more important than during the holidays.
 
Start some new traditions.  Think about creating the holiday not simply stepping into the traditions you inheritated. The way that you celebrate the holidays will be your children’s history, their sense of family identity.  Its a good place to be intentional.
 So I’ll get the advent calendars together tomorrow and start a day late.  I haven’t figured out a way to fill them without starting everyday with candy.  That would take my own focus and intention.  Oh well, this tradition is likely to go on as it has.  Just like my own diet plans, maybe we’ll eat less junk in 2009.
Maureen

Gratitude November 23, 2008

Every once and a while I take minute in my crazy life and feel the gratitude.  Gratitude is a feeling, an emotion.  I like it better than thank you which I think has been kind of ruined by “say thank you”. The power of gratitude is that even if no one hears you, the emotion of being thankful is good for your mental health.  So on national gratitude day- Thanksgiving, I will be trying to feed 25 family members. I get just a bit crazy in that moment when everything has to come out of the oven at the same minute.  At my house we eat buffet style (someday a dining room table for 25) and we start by calling the kids to make a plate first.  Funny that Nate is often still the first on at the front of the line.  He has a hard time believing that he is one of the grown ups.

So on Thursday I kind of doubt that I will take much time to actually feel the gratitude.  Sometime after Paul has washed all the dishes (did I mention I have the world’s best husband?) and the kids are asleep and the dog has licked every spill off the floor I will get a minute to feel the wonder that is my family. 

So tonight before the holiday crazy begins let me thank you.  I am having so much fun creating Parenting Oasis and being a part of this amazing community.  Every day something new opens up for me professionally and personally.  I get to grow and explore new ideas and try scary stuff.  I do love being a therapist but honestly it is kind of quiet and predictable.  Parenting Oasis is never that.  And my experience at Parenting Oasis is helping me to be a better therapist, a better mom and wife, and just make a bigger splash in the world. It isn’t about making coffee, it is about making community.

I’m working on new marriage classes, a parenting class and a birth trauma workshop for 2009.  I continue to work on fund-raising and partnering with other agencies. Hey- look for Parenting Oasis on Facebook and follow me on Twitter.  Talk about teaching an old dog new tricks.

Stop by for lunch this week.  The weather has turned and the place is jumping.

Maureen

Transforming Our Children’s Lives November 16, 2008

I have been so excited about the election it took me a few days to consider what this means to our children. Politics aside- our children will grow up taking for granted that a man of color can be president.

My parents have 11 grand kids.  Of those 6 are African American. Of course I love what this means for them, for my kids, for all of us.

What I also love is the evidence of how quickly the world transforms.  What seemed impossible even to me just 2 years ago has occurred.  What do you want to take on next?

My kids know that families come in lots of colors and styles.  They know that sometimes the person you pick to be your sweetheart is a boy and not a girl.  They know that Daddies pee standing up and Mommies make milk but other than that pretty much they do all the same things. They know babies are born in hospitals or in tubs at home.  They remember the taste of nursing.  They believe that fairies bring surprises. My kids think spankings are a silly game.

This is how the world changes.  The world changes when we make the world of our children different.  We get to create what is normal. They get to have the world we create for them.  Sooner or later, you do have to send them forth but for now build a world of justice around them.  Teach them what it can be.

Maureen