What do mommas need? Less guilt! October 26, 2009
If I were going to change for mommas, I think I would fix the guilt button. I don’t want us mothers to run around guilt free. Without guilt who knows what parenting would look like. For now, I just want the sensitivity adjusted a bit. Guilt is a normal, healthy feeling. It has you take your foot off the gas and check the speed when you see a State Trooper. But then its easy to determine whether or not you are speeding. Under the limit- no guilt, over the limit- oops, adjust and let it go. Nothing in mothering is that simple. Nothing.
I’m pretty good at letting go of the real mistakes. I occasionally lose my temper, and am harsher with my kids than I intend. I apologize, and try to take better care of myself and the feeling passes. But when I am not so sure if I am making a mistake, the guilt is hard to assess. The big questions are the tough ones. How much junk food or television can I use to balance my own mental health? How many fights are you supposed to be picking? How much of my attention do I really have to give them? Can they do without me for a few minutes?
And I know, I am way better at this than many mommas. For some women, the guilt is endless and it has no proportion to the “crimes”. It sucks their energy and interferes with their ability to feel good about the job they are doing. And somehow, I do worry about the message we send our kids when we respond to them out of some twisted sense of guilt neither they or we understand.
Taking care of yourself is important. And the true challenge of modern family is finding some sense of family balance. The ability to know that in this family- everyone’s needs can be met. No life threatening sacrifices allowed.
If momma guilt is making you crazy, or the stress of the holidays is already looming- put November 30th on your calendar. I am offering a Momma Holiday Meditation and Stress Busting class.
And come let me make you lunch at PO- the guilt free zone!
Maureen