I became a mother in 1984, as a single college student.  Not that it wasn’t a struggle, but I never felt isolated.  I had lots of friends who were willing to help hold the new baby and my family made sure I was able to continue my education.

17 years later I had baby number 2.  I was a married professional living in the suburbs and I felt pretty confident as a mother but boy was it lonely.  My husband went back to work and I tried to return to the same job I’d had.  That didn’t work out.  I wanted more time home so I started my private practice.  Working three long days a week allowed me to be home two.  This saved on childcare and allowed me to slow down and focus on the baby.  But babies make lousy company and when winter set in I had had enough of this as well. 

Thus began my quest for momma community and family balance.  This is how Parenting Oasis and my “Marriage Geek” work came into being.   I joined the local Attachment Parenting group (http://www.attachmentparenting.org/groups) and found wonderful families who shared my commitment to creating strong bonds with my kids.  Then after attending many wonderful play dates, I began to see a need for a community center for new parents.  So much of the support I was receiving was available online but not in real life.  And it was hard to get close to people at the mall or the playground.  And boy are Minnesota winters long. Where were we supposed to hang out once the snow began to fly?

I had a secret plan for Parenting Oasis long before I admitted it to anyone.  One day my sister invited me to a course she was taking through Landmark Education (landmarkeducation.com).  I saw that I lacked the confidence and leadership skills necessary to really turn my dream into something real.  Two years and many powerful conversations later, I was able to open the nonprofit agency Parenting Oasis. 

Currently Parenting Oasis offers drop in play space for parents as well as classes and workshops.  If this is your first time here, please check out the schedule and sign up for the newsletters.   Drop me a note if you have any questions or just stop on by.

We are always looking for donations to support our work and help spreading our mission.

Thanks for the support,

Maureen Campion

parentingoasis@gmail.com

My first birth was an emergency surgical birth.  When I was pregnant
with my second my wise doula asked if I had done any work on my birth
trauma.  I promptly burst into tears.  It had been 16 years, I had
never spoken to anyone of my feelings about my birth.  I had never
spoken with my mother, who had been my coach.  I never went back for a
postpartum appointment.  (Remember- I was a seasoned psychologist and
yet had no sense that this might be a problem.)

So I entered the world of birth trauma.  First for myself.  I worked
through birth trauma with the intention of preparing for my V-BAC
(vaginal birth after cesarean).  But anytime you are walking around
with unresolved trauma, I think it costs something.  I think it
weakens you.  I know I could not be of much help to the women in my
life who were birthing, whether clients or friends.

And for years I said, “someone needs to offer birth trauma work” until
someone said maybe it needed to be me.  So two years ago I partnered
with an old friend and college Sarina LaMarche who also had suffered
her own birth loss and we created this workshop- “Healing Birth
Stories.”

This two hour workshop is a joy to offer and I am honored to share
this work with the women who attend.  No one comes easily- it is scary
and intimidating and women worry if they should be there.  They worry
about sharing with strangers but I can tell you this… we have had
rave reviews.  We have offered it a number of times and each woman’s
stories has impacted me deeply and it is an honor to offer this
workshop to our community.

Let us know if you want to join us Sunday or want to be alerted of the
next time we offer it.

Maureen

I’m pretty good at letting go of the real mistakes.  I occasionally lose my temper, and am harsher with my kids than I intend.  I apologize, and try to take better care of myself and the feeling passes.  But when I am not so sure if I am making a mistake, the guilt is hard to assess.  The big questions are the tough ones.  How much junk food or television can I use to balance my own mental health?  How many fights are you supposed to be picking?  How much of my attention do I really have to give them?  Can they do without me for a few minutes?

And I know, I am way better at this than many mommas.  For some women, the guilt is endless and it has no proportion to the “crimes”.  It sucks their energy and interferes with their ability to feel good about the job they are doing.  And somehow, I do worry about the message we send our kids when we respond to them out of some twisted sense of guilt neither they or we understand.

Taking care of yourself is important.  And the true challenge of modern family is finding some sense of family balance.  The ability to know that in this family- everyone’s needs can be met.  No life threatening sacrifices allowed.

If momma guilt is making you crazy, or the stress of the holidays is already looming- put November 30^th on your calendar.  I am offering a Momma Holiday Meditation and Stress Busting class.

And come let me make you lunch at PO- the guilt free zone!

Maureen

So we scaled back considerably over the summer and I haven’t sent out a Parenting Oasis newsletter for awhile.  My practice has stayed super busy and the marriage newsletter is a big hit.  My boys announced that they are too big for Parenting Oasis and stayed home this summer while I hung with the little ones.  This summer my 1st born made me a grandmother and I got to welcome Baby Natalie into the Parenting Oasis fold. Parenting Oasis has continued to offer parents a place to build community, make friends and get support with the struggles of parenting.

If you have never been to Parenting Oasis, we offer a drop-in space that operates like a coffee shop.  We have coffee, baked goods and something healthy for lunch available.  The kids play while the adults enjoy some grown up conversation.  Often the topic turns to birth or nursing, nutrition or discipline.  And sometimes just the stuff of life.  We are putting together more structured activities for the fall- keep you eyes on the newsletter and the website for upcoming programs.  And please, if you know any new mommas, any parents of little ones who might be looking for community- send them our way.  The first cup of coffee is on the house.
Maureen
mailto:parentingoasis@gmail.com

I can’t tell you how to parent.  I believe strongly that parenting is a highly intimate personal relationship and most “experts” seem to offer some kind of one size fits all model of parenting. Parenting is a dance between you and your child and then there is the other dance between your child and their other parent. It seems the hardest part of parenting is when my dance and my husband’s end up tripping us all up.  When we are both home, we don’t quite know who’s leading.

Respecting your partner’s relationship with their child means trusting that we share core values and are heading mostly in the same direction. It means putting relationship ahead of rules.

Want to hear some more?  Call Blooma, get a babysitter and lets talk.

Maureen

]]> http://parentingoasis.com/2009/04/13/parenting-in-partnership/feed/ 0 http://parentingoasis.com/2009/03/29/its-spring/ http://parentingoasis.com/2009/03/29/its-spring/#comments Mon, 30 Mar 2009 02:57:12 +0000 admin http://parentingoasis.com/?p=94

I have become a much better parent this week. I had a rough winter but the sun is out and hope is in the air. My boys have been outside, covered in healthy mud.  I’m having thoughts of the garden and the beach already.

We have a lot going on this week.  If you haven’t been in or if you know a new momma who might be looking for community, this is a great time to come in. Reach out and invite someone new to join us.

Tuesday morning some wise, experienced baby wearing mommas will be sharing their stash with the newer mommas.  If you have questions or want some new ideas, Tuesday 11-12. Baby wearing is best learned by actually trying them on and having a few extra hands really helps. Immediately following the sling share, we will have our regular new mommas group from 12-1.

Wednesday March 25th from 11-12, we will be checking in how Parenting Oasis is doing and what the volunteer committee is planning next. If you want to help us plan for the summer or are able to volunteer, come on in.

Saturday  March 28th, we will be hosting our second Balancing Work and Mothering meeting. Come talk about the joys and stress of pumping, daycare, and just the constant juggle.  Lori Karis, of Sweet Cheeks babyfood will be there after the meeting to share her good stuff and answer questions.

We have some big decisions to make about Parenting Oasis for the summer so if you have any feedback, email me and let me know what you’re looking for this summer.

Maureen
mailto:parentingoasis@gmail.

I grew up with white bread at every meal. Meat and potatoes kind of family. Nothing unusual but not what most of us would call “natural” today. There was a family down the street that had wheat bread and their house smelled like a vitamin store. When we played over there, we usually went home for lunch. My parents were feeding us like everyone else was feeding their kids. Since then some basic ideas about food have changed. We went from whole milk to 2% to skim, first the softest wheat than the rich, grainy dark bread.

Parenting is a lot like that. We have figured out some things are just better for kids than doing it the way we were raised. Even if you feel pretty good about how your parents raised you, this isn’t the same world.

I try to raise my kids to be creative problem solvers who are assertive but empathetic. I wan them to feel safe and supported and know that I love them unconditionally. And then sometimes I just want some blind obedience. My friend Rebecca loves that scene in The Sound of Music when the Baron blows his whistle and the kids fall into line. But we both agree that this would certainly require that our kids fear us, and clearly they don’t.

My mom feels my kids are spoiled. Luckily their teachers don’t see this. Maybe they do get away with too much from me. I know that those people on TV with 8, 12, or 16 kids have higher expectations than I do but I think that was part of my plan when we stopped after 2. Ever day I struggle with just where to put the bar. High expectations are good for kids but unreasonable expectations make for stressed out parents and kids who give up.

This Saturday, the API support group is meeting to talk about Positive Discipline. Come on in. This one is certainly one of my favorites and it is never too early to start thinking about your parenting philosophy. Take a look at the schedule. I put everything we have for the next few weeks so you can plan accordingly. See you soon.

Maureen

I also offered my Healing Birth Stories workshop this weekend which reminded me how powerful and beautiful birth stories are even when they are raw and painful. Birth transforms a woman. And birth in and of itself is a hell of a lot to deal with but then they hand this vulnerable, dependent infant to you and before you have a chance to catch your breath and decide how you feel about birth, you go into parenting. When are you supposed to recover? How do you heal?

Mothers need enormous confidence to manage what we ask of them. What other calling asks so much of you on the first day? Birth matters. If you can’t come out to march in support with us tomorrow, check in with Susan Lane over at Better Birth and see what she needs. Who do we talk to, what is next? Those people in Saint Paul, and those people in Washington need someone whispering in their ears that birth matters to us.

Maureen